just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
