I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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