I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
