Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
