i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
