remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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