I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
