i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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