There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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