you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
