just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
