____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
