He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
