I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
