my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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