is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
