I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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