just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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