Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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