The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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