Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
