Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
