OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
