I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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