3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
