I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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