I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
