i would punch a child for taco bell
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize