How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
