My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
