the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
