You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize