Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
