I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
