why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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