The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
