Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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