Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
