Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
