JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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