i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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