if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
