Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
