genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
