I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
