my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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