butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
