I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
