At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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