I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
