I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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