go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
