my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
