i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize