You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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