So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
