Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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