Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
