Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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