i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
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If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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