508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
