every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
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