sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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