He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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