So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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