dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
