i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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