A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
