i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
